Saturday, April 19, 2008
Gosh~i am really tired man... really tired.
Not just physically, but as well as mentally also.
The stress in me is never decreasing but rapidly increasing.

Sometimes when i just sit down and think...
I notice that what ever i do is never successful since the day i was born.
Is it due to my luck or what?!
Every time i open up my mouth and talk, nothing good will come out...
Always wanted to change that STUPID mouth of mine, but i can't.

I will always get people into trouble...
I will always get criticize by people due to my actions that led them into big troubles...
I will say all the wrong thing...
I will be blur half of the time...
I will never know what are right or wrong...
People will always need to clear up the 'mess' that i left behind...
Said sorry most of the time, but still unable to kick the habit...

What can i do?! Really!
I am really tired of myself!
Every day as i wake up, first thing in mind is to start fresh,
But the day will be spoil by all my wrong doings.
Life is getting more and more meaningless for me.
I can no longer smile willingly,
i can no longer laugh like how i use to laugh...

Things i had done is really going haywire!
First is school, than is SA.
I was wanting to do something for the SA...
Why do i always wanted to act clever when i am so stupid?!
Why can't i just sit down there and keep quiet and just let the main people do the stuffs?!
Why must i be such a trouble maker and let the poor clique clear up my 'shit'?!
CHUA WEI SHENG KEVIN, can you please stop all the shits you are doing?!
Enough is enough, you are a lousy F-Horn player,
You are not an good artist,
You are not good in your academic...
So stop thinking that you are good in all these!!

Sometimes, i really wish that i can sleep...sleep...sleep...&sleep,
and never wake up...
But they say that its running away from the reality...
But what can i do?! All i do is to create more and more trouble for you all...
And what i do in the end is to say sorry...
I am someone with no achievements,
all i got are the losing remarks.
I really wish that i can... i can...
Stand out one day, have pride in my words,
never afraid that i will say the wrong stuffs again...
But can i do it?!
People are turning away from me...
Every day when i reach home, i will try to reprimand myself for the wrong doing for the day.
But the whole thing will happen again the next following day.
Why?!
Why is it me?!
I wish i can be somebody!
I want to play a French Horn well, but can i?!
I want to be a well known artist... But can i?!
I want to be a successful Visual Art teacher, can i do it?!
I really need to raise doubts about myself...
I keep on giving excuses every steps of the way...
Never have the courage to try...
Never... Cause i had never been successful throughout my life...

All the things that i had written here may not be known by all...
Well~ Who will care about me and my stuffs...
I am a trouble maker...
I am really tired...
All i can do is to write here, and wish that a miracle will happen,
and change me, my life... To a more meaningful one...

Regards;

MR'KEVIN

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